Hugs, for Heaven’s Sake

I want my hug back!!

The worst thing about this coronavirus disease is it has taken away our hugs. When things are down and out, when nothing seems to go right, when you feel no one cares about you, someone comes up with a great big healing hug and saves your heart and soul. It’s our nature. I don’t know if Jesus went around hugging people. It may not have been “a thing” in those days. But my life, and I pray yours, has been lit up like fireworks whenever someone gives me a hug. And I have been blessed to have a “hug specialist” friend who keeps a smile on my face whenever I’m around her.

If any of you know L.A., and those who do, know who I’m mentioning here, she is the queen of hugs. Once a sergeant and a lot more in the Memphis Police Force, and an active, off the wall, supporter of her sorority, and now head of security at a university, this boisterous and always smiling woman is a hugger. I love going around with her because her hugs spill over. As she grabs every man and woman whom she knows - and that’s a lot - sometimes, I got to get a hug too from all her huge law and order friends, even though I’m white.  She has a heart of extraordinary humor and has no qualms about walking up to someone to give that person no matter who it is or if she knows them or not, a huge hug. She is a hug doctor.

I learned about those hugs when I was a child. My favorite place to sneak off to was the kitchen in my parent’s big house to get my hugs from Rosie the cook - who also made the best fried eggplant and fried chicken in the world, must less extraordinary biscuits which to this day none of us have been able to duplicate - nor her chocolate chip cookies for my dad ( I think she used lard, just awful thought but great for cooking- that grease which today we tiptoe around because it is bad for this heart or that soul or whatever.) But Rosie snuck it in even when it was knocked off the list of health advocates. 

Hugs and kisses. In the ‘50s and ‘60s, we used to autograph that in our school annuals. It was the easy, best and most fun expression of care and happiness. Hugs were as automatic as waking up in the morning or brushing ones’ teeth. It was a habit that brought glee into environments. I’m not talking about sexual stuff which has gotten so gross that you need a bath when it’s over, but I’m talking about genuine, howdy, I care about you and your heart needs a hug, or your cheeks a kiss.

I learned about the good kinds of hugs from the African American women who raised me and my children, as well as we learned what we used to call “the grandma kiss” - that peck on the cheek thing, an attempt at a kiss without really kissing anything. We learned that from my grandmother. I don’t ever member kissing or being kissed by my parents. But, I got the hang of social kissing when I moved to Uruguay. It was sort of an urgent education about relationships. It didn’t matter if you knew the person or not, but when one walked into a meeting or a room filled with women, the tradition was, no matter how many, to give a cheek kiss (one only or both sides) to every person in the room. Not only was this expected when entering the salon or room, but one had to do the same things existing the situation.  It was that move the mouth to the right side and touch cheek to cheek. And still today when I arrive at the airport, coming or going, the old luggage guys, looking for a healthy tip, always come up for a kiss - even though I put my hand out for a handshake - because they were friends of my deceased husband Oreja Gonzalez. Now I can say, oops, no kiss. Wear a mask. etc.

Until this coronavirus, a kiss when we shared the “peace” halfway through our church service was also a tradition in the Cathedral each Sunday. The tradition in some churches can be to shake hands, or wave across the aisle, but, in Uruguay and probably most Latin countries, it’s that cheek kiss thing. My favorite congregationalist years ago was the 8-year-old (then) daughter of the American Consul. They were really close friends and never missed a Sunday service when they were living in Uruguay. But their daughter Megan was a NO WAY, when it came time for a kiss. Hugs, for sure, were out altogether.  She’d look at the one about to attack her for a peck on the cheek, and she’d step back firmly and say, I don’t kiss. You know, she was the smartest one in that congregation and has spent her last 20 or so years traveling in North Africa and the Middle East teaching diplomats about American habits and making friends that would only be big pluses for our country. She is brilliant and loving and cautious on the one hand, but gung-ho making friends of every kind of nation, faith, belief all over the world. She is my idol for sure.  But I always remind her, when I have the privilege or seeing her and her parents, that she is a non-kisser. And we laugh.

Judas, on the other hand, was author of the kiss of death. I am usually put off when I see men kissing each other’s cheeks. Both sides, if in France. Once at least, in Latin countries. We don’t know if Jesus kissed people or not, nor how contagious was that - was it unhealthy in those days of Jerusalem or was it a way to greet friends. Judas’ kiss, however, was an act of treachery under the guise of kindness, I know him, He is an ok guy, kind of thing. But Judas was pointing out this man who was supposedly his best friend, to authorities so they would arrest him and get him off the streets of Jerusalem and into the fields of a bunch of crosses where criminals were treated as criminals - they were eliminated from this earth.

Kiss on the cheek, showing support, affection, glad to see you - On the lips is deeper involvement, like love and marriage; on the hands, was and still is a tradition in royal families to show respect, admiration, gratitude by visitors, but when there is a face kiss among the royalty, it ignites big cheers. However one never sees a royal hug. I guess that is too much to ask.

The wedding kiss seals a marriage. And of course, moms and dads spread kisses all over that newborn babe whose skin is softer than cotton and they hope to get back a small smile that the baby knows you and liked that googlely touch. But, in my book, the best of the best is that huge hug that my friend LA spends on anyone she knows and some she doesn’t know. It always gives me a boost, a hope, and a prayer that there are hugs in heaven, or will be when LA gets there.

 
 ~ Rev
---------------------------------
audrey@audreytaylorgonzalez.com
www.audreytaylorgonzalez.com